My life right now

The past 2 days I spent about 20 hours studying the music industry. 

I've been listening to pod casts, watching videos, and lots of reading.

And I have found that I want to go to UCLA for a semester to take a class or two, intern/ work for certain companies & train in dance.

I also spent a few hours reorganizing my phone & installing new apps. 

I want to be able to maximize my productivity while staying organized because 9 out of 10 times I'm usually not because I forget everything. 

I've been slacking a bit on the whole dancing aspect of my career but creating choreo has been much easier now than it has in the past.

I've been doing a lot of planning and organizing for a summer dance program that I hope everyone takes advantage of as well.

 

I finally acquired a new video-editing software & music software for all my media needs. (Bye bye Windows Movie Maker)

I'm planning on purchasing my first keyboard soon unless someone gets me a Casio keyboard for my birthday. *wink wink

I'm also starting to get into coding, really funtastic stuff.(Computer coding)

I've been blogging more personal stuff lately than relate-able stuff, I've just been in  a different place. I feel like I'm in a training ground. But it's like a happy one.

I'm going to start vlogging now (I'll still keep the baby clips coming).

I'm working on raising money & creating the blue prints for the company that I want to establish "SFC Lifestyle"; Record Label & Talent Agency.

I'm finding a lot of different ways to monetize everything I'm doing & it's a real challenge but definitely a lot of fun.

I haven't really left my house for any reason.

I don't really like socializing either when I'm in "Training mode". I like being in an environment where I can embrace my introverted ways.

This is currently my life. Thank you for always sending me snapchats, facebook crap, tweets & texts that I don't respond to. I'm just not in the right state of mind to talk to you. Nothing personal. I love you, bye.

I'm still not the me I want to be

I'm always doing a lot but never doing enough. That's the truth. 
I'm busy yes, busy getting lost in my head while others jump ahead. 
I play games, I play hard, I think hard, I think smart, and every once in a while I fall apart...just so I can reconnect the dots in a different way. 
I draw the lines and then I cross them. But I can't see. I don't know boundaries. I'm always lost, and never ready. 
This edge is getting lonely, but I promise to keep my head up even though this gravity is tempting.

Tears & worthiness

Hey Dad,

I want to start off by saying that you are an amazing person. I admire your hard work, dedication, commitment and selflessness. It inspires me and I always wonder how you're able to continue to do what you do in order to make sure we are safe. You've made me think about a lot of things, about who I am and our family these past few years. I never understood much of any of it growing up. I really like when you open up to me about how you feel and share your thoughts and perspective on what you believe. It's those moments where I feel like I'm connecting with you. Whether I get in trouble and you're telling me what I did wrong or should have thought about more clearly or when you give your perspective on a situation. I like when you do that because that's when I see you express yourself the most and that's the side of you I don't get to see often which I wish I could see more of. You're really intelligent when you speak and I look up to that, I just wish other people could witness it too.  When you take the time to talk to me or express concern I feel like we connect more, and I get to see what you're thinking. And sometimes when you talk to me about things, I find a new reason to become a better person. I know how much you value mom and this family. I know how much you want for me and Kyle. I'm grateful to have you even though I'm really not the best at showing how appreciative I am. Everything I do now is not only for myself but for you, for mom, for Kyle and for the whole world. I dream big because you and mom came from a very bad place. I understand the pain of having to work a job that isn't your dream. I understand that the same old routine can wear you out. I understand that nothing is easy and that's why I can't aim low. I don't want to continue to see you and mom struggle. And I know the answer to all my prayers is following what makes me the happiest. Because I learned on my own that when I'm happy doing something, I will do everything in my power to keep getting better at it and to find many ways, not just one way, to be successful. I learned the importance of risk. You and mom took a risk to come to America in order to live a better life. I'm not afraid to take risks and step outside of the lines because I know what it takes to be successful. I know you still don't agree with my career path. But I know deep down in my soul, what ever I choose to do, whether or not you and mom believe in me, I will make it, I have to make it, there's no other way for me. I do research like it's my home work, I'm learning about music and the music industry, I practice my management skills every day. And I'm so happy, I don't care about having a lot because I learned that being rich isn't about how much you have, but how much you can give. I don't care about having a bunch of stuff and I do my best to never ask you or mom for anything either because I know that what keeps me happy is all the stuff I'm doing right now. I want to be able to retire you and mom by doing what I love or inspire you to chase your real dreams because we all have them.

Even though we can't agree on everything, I want you to always know how much I appreciate and love you. Because I wouldn't be able to do anything I'm doing without you. I want you to be happy for my happiness. And I want you to be happy without worrying about anything. You're very important to me and I promise that I will make you proud, my way. I know it's probably not something I should talk about but some times it's hard when the two most important people in my life are supposed to be my biggest fans are never in the audience, it bothers me. And it's cause I'm around other kids who are my students and I see how supportive the parents are of their child, they always say "no matter what my kid chooses to do, I will support them all the way". And when I hear that, and when I see tears run down the face of a parent who's kid is on stage doing their best, I don't know how to feel. So I just don't feel. I think being emotional is stupid because it makes me look weak, and I shouldn't be weak over things like that. That's what I always tell myself, but some times I just wish you could see my progress as a teacher, my progress as a business man, my progress as someone who just wants your support because you care about my happiness and not just my success.

I hope we can both be on the same page one day. Thank you for everything you've done and everything you will continue to do.

I love you.

Your son Vattana R. Thach

Where I'm at right now

Right now my mind is heavy with creativity, obligations, and goals.

So first let's talk about SFC Lifestyle because that's the number 1 thing on my mind. For those who don't know what SFC is, it's a lifestyle brand that takes the image of an Entertainment Label & Talent Agency. I've built a team and am still in the process of editing our website content and doing videos. Just this morning I was doing research on all the legal aspects of wanting to have a talent agency and record label (Because entertainment labels don't exist). I have to get a standard business license, open up more bank accounts, get contracts, possibly hire an attorney, probably get a separate license in order to be a talent agent. Learn about business expenses and tax forms and tracking my artists. Choosing between LLC and S-corp. I'm most likely doing LLC since I did a decent amount of research on it. I have a ton of fees to pay which I guess would have been obvious to anyone except me.

I have a summer program I want to establish since I now have the resources to do so. I'm thinking of doing an art program in a few different cities; Lowell, Chelmsford, Dracut, Billerica, & Tewksbury. It's totally doable and would be really fun.

I also don't want to find a "job" during the summer because I want full control of my time to teach dance, book gigs, study more, network and even do yard work for some good hard cash. So I came up with an idea to turn that into a business as well.

I actually have my recital this coming Saturday which I'm not 100% prepared for because my solo isn't finished lol. So that is something I really need to get done. Plus I have rehearsal every night.

Wish me luck & I'll continue to keep you posted on my ventures. I plan to start vlogging I think or something like that idk, I just need to clear out space on my phone and my laptop #Struggle is so real

Dance

When people tell me to add more emotion to a dance I can't help but feel like instead of trying to develop a connection for the dance, I am just being told to convey an emotion that I don't even feel. Dancing can be acting &/ or it can be expressing. Now with me I express three emotions on a daily basis, happiness because I smile a lot, confusion because I get lost a lot because I enjoy it in the sense that I like being in new territory and putting in myself in a position to learn something. And just being completely mellow and expressionless. Any type of other emotion is usually expressed through writing or just connecting with someone on a personal level. That's how I deal with things. It's difficult for me to give facials while dancing when that's not me. The only time that comes out is usually during the choreography process when I I let the music evoke what ever emotion it is I'm feeling. I'm not embarassed to do. Facials, I just have a problem with pretending. There are a lot of dancers out there who give fave just to give a stronger "performance", that's not real, and it's easy to spot. When I dance I want it to come from a place that means something to me. 95% of the time I can't connect with any of the music I dance to and even choreograph myself. I do want to be an excellent dancer overall but I'm still trying to figure things out. Subtly, lines, dynamics, intricacy, the act of making everything I do look easy. These are all my favorite elements when dancing. I dont understand my facial expressions in real life nor do I care to understand them and that's why training my face to react a certain to music is tough. I'm not that emotional because I don't think life is that serious. I don't think a lot of things are worth getting upset about. So naturally giving face isn't easy. But I'm up for the challenge, I want to learn how to express myself and get completely lost in the music because I know I don't do that often at all.